01-20-2011, 09:47 AM
thanks for the feedback jack.
I thought about separating the last line before posting it and decided to keep it within
the body of the verse. alone it felt a little forced to me. i agree about the vocano though i'm not sure what word to use in
it's place, (i'm not keen on changing the rest of the line) any suggestions will be gratefully mulled over.
I thought about separating the last line before posting it and decided to keep it within
the body of the verse. alone it felt a little forced to me. i agree about the vocano though i'm not sure what word to use in
it's place, (i'm not keen on changing the rest of the line) any suggestions will be gratefully mulled over.