01-18-2011, 01:19 PM
I like the mysterious dark tone of the piece, and the very stark visuals you used... reminds me of classic seafaring tales.
In the second stanza, I think you can remove "it stood."... saying "poking through the surface" is sufficient. Instead of "their ropes...", saying "Ropes coiled like serpents" is also fine.Also, I don't think it's necessary to separate that third stanza, but that might be just me.
Thanks for the read
In the second stanza, I think you can remove "it stood."... saying "poking through the surface" is sufficient. Instead of "their ropes...", saying "Ropes coiled like serpents" is also fine.Also, I don't think it's necessary to separate that third stanza, but that might be just me.
Thanks for the read
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?