01-07-2011, 02:19 AM
Billy: I changed back to tongues (I think your right. The concrete choice is better than the abstraction of words. The color also adds to the phosphorus comparison). Thanks for your comments.
Jack: Not sure about the break on "a" (I'll think about it). Interesting possibility breaking on unexpected (maybe), The comma sounds good. A or The replacing this (I'll consider it). Thanks for walking through the lines. I appreciate the comments.
Best,
Todd
Jack: Not sure about the break on "a" (I'll think about it). Interesting possibility breaking on unexpected (maybe), The comma sounds good. A or The replacing this (I'll consider it). Thanks for walking through the lines. I appreciate the comments.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson