A Poem For My Private Parts

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

Perhaps a subject we should all write about.

Comments in the lines:

I have exploded again. --great opening given the title
Leaking my fluids, I stifle a scream,--at every point that I can have you delete a "my" I'd like you to. Some lines you absolutely need them this one you could cut.
as my skull hits the headboard
and my fingers become lost--maybe cut my again here.
in the forest of my pubic hair,--and again maybe cut my
beset by the useless teenage seed--just an opinion but maybe substitute the with this. Good line. Useless teenage seed is great
I was warned against using on comely lasses.

I am running, I am running,
towards a point of light
not far from here, somewhere in the distance,
a flashlight in a dark classroom,
after school has finished. I never reach it.
The book always ends with me still running,
an ellipses at the end of the page,
and then the Author's Note,
beneath a picture of a boy sighing,
wiping himself down with his sleeve,
and dreaming of violation, control.
Romance through dominance.--this entire part just takes off for me and while I can see some possible cuts they would be mostly style choices and the lines work well as they are. I love your repetition

And now the falling backwards.--this period feels wrong here. I also want to cut the "the" but that could just be me
The blue walls like receptionists--This is really cool
who take your new prescription,
stamp it, and then send you on your way.
The pale morning sunshine slices--like this line. It seems to imply that what is done in darkness isn't what hurts it's the realization after. It's a nice image
my face like a razor.--plays well on the previous line break. I like this
I've bled the dream out through my genitals.
And now the stale smell of yesterday's dinner,--there's something wasted about these two lines (spent). They are very good
dumped in a sack on my bed's upper bunk
(my father's a terrible cook) returns,--Might just be a preference but I'd prefer to cut this and go straight to the next line
choking me with its grey realism,
its lack of come and purple thoughts.--love the final two lines

Effective and strong Jack. Great work here.

Best,

Todd