A Weavers Daughter.

[heslopian]

Out of the sound of the weaving shed, workers
vexed from thoughts of debt and lay-offs; What sound is this? What sounds do people make when they're vexed? Strong opening line, but I think it should be more specific, mention moaning or mumbling etc. Also, the semi-colon tripped me up. Shouldn't there be a comma there, as the succeeding line isn't really a separate conjunction.
end shift and surge onto their cotton-bailed yard
Her bloom came to me like a crisp breeze blown, Again the syntax trips me up here. Would it help if you put a full stop after "yard"?
sprite-elfin swagger and head held high.
Her eyes hid pain her mouth would never utter Shouldn't there be a full stop here?
By the thousands, Men die in god’s name Why is "men" capitalised? Again, shouldn't there be a full stop after "name"?
Yet he dares to create such beauty

---

I was inspired by a sarah teasdale poem

Individually the lines are fine, excellent even, but they don't have much of a natural flow. They don't gel together easily. I think a lot of the problem may lie in how you use punctuation. I was going to complain that the capitalisation was sporadic; sometimes the first letters of lines are upper case, other times they're not, but I see now what's missing: full stops. I'm not sure if that will cure the poem, but it will definitely help a lot. As I said, the individual lines are great - some nice crisp expression and economy of words - but they don't flow into one another. It feels a bit like a patchwork quilt sewn together from all different colour squares, which are nice on their own, but don't really work as a whole.