01-04-2011, 10:12 AM
(01-04-2011, 12:51 AM)Touchstone Wrote: The poem is in the first person--you're describing what you perceive as opposed to being an all knowing narrator describing what a character perceives.thanks for the feedback TS.
"Her eyes hid pain her mouth would never utter"
You wouldn't be able to perceive that her eyes were hiding pain unless...they weren't hiding the pain.
So...her eyes reveal the pain her mouth would never utter...[Or something like that. Its late and I'm not sure of the tenses.]
the pain was percieved by me though not by others. i could be her dad or mom though i'm not. i just see her and know that the pain is there. others probably don't see what i do. to me it's obvious that she'd not talk of them because of the demeanor she shows. i can see what you say has meaning and sense though so i'll ponder it in the edit
