01-04-2011, 08:46 AM
This is fantastic. For me the term "genealogy of silence" was more strangely obscure rather than clarifying, so though your meaning unfolded nicely over the course of the poem it wouldn't suffer at all if you just let the title "A genealogy of silence" speak for itself then proceed from the second couplet... it will also help the loop back to the fly at the end 
This is pretty much perfect. Your imagery is delicate, pitch-perfect, and sublime. Loved, loved, loved reading it.

This is pretty much perfect. Your imagery is delicate, pitch-perfect, and sublime. Loved, loved, loved reading it.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
