Father

[billy]

So here's another shot at personal stuff, which I've been trying to get better at. Thank you.

I wonder if my father understands
How much time we spend together

At night, I listen to the metronome of his pulse [love this line]
Tutting like a grandfather clock [for me 'tutting doesn't work in the simile, would something like 'tic' work better (clocks don't tut)]

Sometimes, I see him sitting at my table
Staring at me from behind a polished shine

Clutching a glass of juice, silent-
Burning in the language of his eyes [would burning help the enjamb if it went up a line? ]

Which are mine, and he tells me
That though it’s been years, he is not surprised

With the man I have become.
I look away. “Neither am I”, I say.
i really like the last two couplets. they work well for me.

a real nit for me. as a reader i don't want to be told if it's about the author
if it's personal or pretend etc. i want to be able to read a poem without any preconceptions. my reason for this is, i may be unable to give honest feedback because my mind is already feeling something before the read.

that said i enjoyed the write and a small edit, will i think make it a really good write. i enjoyed the incites shared and as a son and father can reconcile the feelings of the person in the poem to my own.

thanks for the read
jmo