The Day Before It Ended (Revision 2-3-13)

[billy]

We drank a tasteless Shiraz
in that trendy café on Union,
while our mouths chewed
the words between us
like stale bread. [i like the opening but for me it feels a little drawn out, would the last three lines work better as; the words like stale bread. 'between us' feels redundant because of the "our"]

The sum of our equation
had become the root
canal, the laundry, the grocery list, [the enjambment of root canal feel awkward]
and endless soccer games. [this stanza feels short and tight, my fave]

You spoke of that place
you’d read about,
some island somewhere,
something about mangos—
which you might like to visit. [i like the mundane quality with this stanza.]

I nodded,
as always,
felt your lips
light brush.

Our kiss had become faded:
a postmark on a letter [excellent metaphor]
from people
we no longer knew.

In the indistinct gray light,
no particular bird was singing. [nice closing]

the title is great, apart from the root canal it flows great.
and i think i've heard the last line before though i can't remember were; it fit perfectly.

a good read that would be really good with a small edit. thanks for the read todd [jmo]