Child

[Todd]

Holy Crap! Lawrence this is fantastic.

Normally I'd wait a little while longer, but because this is my first personal poem, I'll post it now. Thank you all in advance for your valuable criticism.

There’s a game of hide-and-seek going on.
It’s been fifteen years, and wouldn’t you guess it-
They still haven’t found the child.--This is a very dark opening. I really don't have any huge nits here. You could possibly cut going on since the next line expresses that it hasn't stopped.

He is curled up under a mattress
In the empty home of a stranger
Who no longer lives there.--Each line here builds well. I thought about saying you could cut "up" but decided against it. It does add to the idea. You get sort of a fetal position thing going on. Someone that has retreated into themselves.

Every night, the stranger visits him--I don't think you need him
Hovering above the bare bed like a spectre--this works but you could also eliminate the like if you wanted to mix it up a bit
Telling him not to come out, that it’s not safe yet.

That if he emerges, they’ll drag him into the bushes
And beat him. That there’s nothing secure about discovery--I think like most horrors in life if you say what will happen you diminish the terror. For that reason I'd cut "and beat him"
That if he wants to be found, he deserves what comes next.--one of the strongest psychological lines in the poem

The stranger is old, with a dark, featureless face--featureless is a bit loose here. I'd like to have something more evocative. It doesn't ruin it it just feels like a bit of a cheat
And a body formed entirely of silver smoke.--absolutely love this
Sometimes, he asks the child if he remembers.--good place to break the strophe

But the child just lays there---while this is good you're missing an opportunity to play off of remember. Nothing may come to you, and I don't really want flourishes in this poem I want stark harshness but just thought I'd point out the option.
Like a stem with its petals plucked
Before they could even bloom.--solid close

It's worrisome that this is a "personal poem", though given what I've written, life isn't all puppies and rainbows. Damn fine work Lawrence. Some real power in this one.

Best,

Todd