How to Count Sheep

[Todd]

Hi Lawrence,

I loved this one. Great title! Here are some comments:

How to count Sheep

Spare yourself from distractions
Tear the television’s electric IV
From its socket-
Coil and toss it
Into the shoe box
Sitting in your closet
While you’re at it,
Do away with that phone, too.--I don't think you need the too
We wouldn’t want someone calling you,
Because that fifteen minute guitar solo--This is funny though it isn't likely someone would let the phone ring for 15 minutes so you may want to cut "fifteen minute". I think you get the same result.
From “freebird” isn’t the most meditive music.

If you’ve eliminated every annoyance--Maybe Once instead of If
Sink into your living room sofa .
Now, look at the back of your eyelids--You could probably cut Now though it isn't that much of an issue keeping it either
You should see a pitch-black pasture
So dark, it appears as if
The moon and stars have been stolen
Leaving only a featureless face.--great four lines

But don’t panic, the sun isn’t bashful here
Ask him, and he will come
Peeking above the barn
Like a floating bulb
Illuminating grass,
Tangled wire,
The farmhills dotted with cows
Lost in their grazing.--all of this was really good too

You can get the stars back, too.
Thousands, or a few
Of white pinholes poked through the sky
You might prefer this. It’s night,
So the cows are all locked away.
If they don’t particularly moove you.---arrrghh pun, pun

You can see the fence, Yes?--I think it works better if you walk them through the visualization. I'd consider cutting the yes, next line, and probably.
(If not, skip this verse)
It’s probably day-
Soon, the hoofed balls of white wool
Will come pouring from the barn
And sail, one by one, over the pickets--love those lines
Landing safely outside of your vision
To graze, as weariness pulls its dark curtain--love this line
Over your consciousness.--I think you can cut this line its implied in the previous line

If it’s night, you’re reading this---do you need you're reading htis
The sheep might not be confident
Hopping a fence they can’t see
So they will likely turn toward the moon
And lift their brittle legs, leaping
Over the glowing opal set in the sky-
Growing smaller and smaller
As they drift into the dark-
Follow them out-
Until the pasture comes apart.--this is my absolute favorite strophe in the poem. Dynamite ending!

So, hopefully that gives you some things to consider whatever you decide to do. Excelent poem Lawrence.

Best,

Todd