Love Poem

[heslopian]

Thank you for your feedback, Billy I see this as being quite an airy poem, like one of those princess loo roll covers, so I see your point about it being light.
I often have trouble beginning and rounding off my pieces, which drives me insane, as they're the most important parts
The first couplet annoys me more than the last, which I see as just a bit cute, and no doubt better suited to the middle of a verse, rather than the final note. That opening one, however, really bugs me in hindsight. Calling it a little cliche is very generous; it's so Mills&Boon that if you showed it to a bored housewife she'd probably start masturbating.
The reason I didn't brand the cola is because I've already mentioned one label in a previous piece, and I don't want people to think that I'm on their payroll
That idea about switching the verses around makes a lot of sense. I'll make an edit and see how I feel about it.
I'm not sure takeout is one word... I'll divide it once I've finished this.
Thanks again for the feedback

EDIT: Turns out I love your couplet switcharoo It gives the "dark" line more emphasis.

SECOND EDIT: Also changed the first couplet.