Love Poem

[billy]

We are curled on the bed
through this winter evening. [feels a little cliche]

The takeout cartons, [is take out one word?]
empty cola cans, [love the way you don't brand the cola]

books never read
and battered formal shoes,

slowly fade
into the dark, [is 'the' needed?]

like a photograph
developing backwards,

beginning with a scene
and ending in a blur.

I grind my erection
against your kneecap,

you smile in your sleep
and pull me closer. [feels a little weak]

would the 5th couplet read better as the 4th and vice versa?
would the last couple read better as the 2nd to last and vice versa?
i found the poem to be very light; echoing a common scene most of us have been through. for me the opening couplet could of been more original
and so could the last (maybe) other than that it worked well for me.

thanks for the read jack