11-28-2010, 10:56 AM
I liked it. Does the rock of their pendulum move is an awesome line. I didn't get the tea part just because it's an old zoo tradition apparently 
What I would change is to make it longer, establish more imagery about the animals maybe? I only say this to balance out the fact that most of the lines are repeated. Still, I like it: it's got a strong foundation already
What I would change is to make it longer, establish more imagery about the animals maybe? I only say this to balance out the fact that most of the lines are repeated. Still, I like it: it's got a strong foundation already
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?