11-27-2010, 01:48 AM
Not much I can say about this really, in the way of constructive criticism. It's beautifully structured, with perfectly timed enjambment, commas and repetition. I really admire your discipline here; you use no rhyme schemes, yet develop a consistent rhythm, so sometimes we think we're reading a very traditional verse, when in fact we're being sold something a tad edgier. Deliciously devious, Mrs. Sin
The only quibble I can think to make is a personal thing: I don't like ellipses; I find them sloppy and adolescent. In my opinion, the lines where they appear would be more effective if they ended with simple full stops.
Other than that, though, a dynamite read.
The only quibble I can think to make is a personal thing: I don't like ellipses; I find them sloppy and adolescent. In my opinion, the lines where they appear would be more effective if they ended with simple full stops.
Other than that, though, a dynamite read.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe