11-27-2010, 01:39 AM
The first half of the poem is perfect. The simple but effective imagism reminded me of William Carlos Williams. The second half, beginning with "unfolding its colours" (no apostrophe needed), was good as well, though a wee bit problematic. I think if I'd have written this, I would have put that aforesaid line at the end of the second stanza, then changed the ending thus:
"pliable
unlike those
it honours."
The comma after "pliable" isn't really needed, and neither is "open to change," and that penultimate couplet seems a tad rough around the edges. This is all just my opinion, of course. As I said, the first half is perfect, and on the whole this is a sweet, pointed, somewhat charming poem.
"pliable
unlike those
it honours."
The comma after "pliable" isn't really needed, and neither is "open to change," and that penultimate couplet seems a tad rough around the edges. This is all just my opinion, of course. As I said, the first half is perfect, and on the whole this is a sweet, pointed, somewhat charming poem.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe