11-25-2010, 11:11 AM
Happy thanksgiving lawrence! It's not a holiday where I live but it's still an awesome day to celebrate.
As for the poem, I think it's outstanding. Love your subtle and expert use of structure, and some of the lines you have there are just gold. Not much I can say because it looks pretty solid to me. If forced, I would note that aside from the simple act of building a snowman this also had an undercurrent of a story of childhood, and the profound and powerful feeling we carried in our hands and hearts in those days. Appreciating it from that sense, I would say the fourth stanza is the weakest in expressing this, which draws attention because it is a send-off to that beautiful final stanza of reminiscing. But make no mistake, this is excellent, excellent stuff. Superb!
As for the poem, I think it's outstanding. Love your subtle and expert use of structure, and some of the lines you have there are just gold. Not much I can say because it looks pretty solid to me. If forced, I would note that aside from the simple act of building a snowman this also had an undercurrent of a story of childhood, and the profound and powerful feeling we carried in our hands and hearts in those days. Appreciating it from that sense, I would say the fourth stanza is the weakest in expressing this, which draws attention because it is a send-off to that beautiful final stanza of reminiscing. But make no mistake, this is excellent, excellent stuff. Superb!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?