11-24-2010, 01:54 PM
Hi Addy,
I was going through some of the archives and came across this poem of yours. I don't normally bump things from three months ago, but
I'm in the process of reading a book about a high-functioning person with aspergers
and
I wrote a poem about autism recently
and most importantly: you just nail it with this poem and I wanted to let you know.
Your first two lines set the tone perfectly. This is someone looking for clues to behavior that they can't access. It's like they are a lone anthropologist trying to make sense of the broader part of humanity. Words like study, precise, decipher, and I confess this in clear, elaborate points are really well chosen. What really makes this shine though is the entire delusions of constellations. That is an inspired idea to pull it all together. That you make the other an alien. That you make the speakers chest scalding (touch and the intimacy of it is difficult). And that you make the eyes a void (especially the choice of using the word "in" instead of "of". This person doesn't get to be figurative. It's really well done.
I think my only suggested change is right here:
But you laugh it off,
I think the colloqualism would be difficult for this person. It might be better as: But you laugh
Extremely good work Addy. I hope you can forgive the bump.
Best,
Todd
I was going through some of the archives and came across this poem of yours. I don't normally bump things from three months ago, but
I'm in the process of reading a book about a high-functioning person with aspergers
and
I wrote a poem about autism recently
and most importantly: you just nail it with this poem and I wanted to let you know.
Your first two lines set the tone perfectly. This is someone looking for clues to behavior that they can't access. It's like they are a lone anthropologist trying to make sense of the broader part of humanity. Words like study, precise, decipher, and I confess this in clear, elaborate points are really well chosen. What really makes this shine though is the entire delusions of constellations. That is an inspired idea to pull it all together. That you make the other an alien. That you make the speakers chest scalding (touch and the intimacy of it is difficult). And that you make the eyes a void (especially the choice of using the word "in" instead of "of". This person doesn't get to be figurative. It's really well done.
I think my only suggested change is right here:
But you laugh it off,
I think the colloqualism would be difficult for this person. It might be better as: But you laugh
Extremely good work Addy. I hope you can forgive the bump.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson