Self-destructive (The ocean like the brain)

[Todd]

Hi LF,

This is really nice. I've read a bit of your work but haven't had the time to comment fully yet (I think this one is my favorite so far). Here are some comments for you:

Self-destructive. (The ocean like the brain)
LiteraryFailurePiece.

Fallen to an infinite, distancing sea
inching my way back to the beach.
I am worthless in waves of white and grey
bobbing, with unredeemed bottled letters, in the evening spray.

This first stanza is dynamite. I love line three. I think line four feels a little off though with unredeemed might be implied and could probably be cut. It's a stelar opening though

Standing in your terracotta living room
my mind is as clear as the clean wallpaper.
I am swallowing my way back to the sub-ocean,
feeding loss of thoughts and loss of notions.

Again love the first three lines. The fourth line feels a bit awkward and unclear to me

Wakened to the noise of bottles uncorked,
I clamber onto a raft that can carry my weight.
I am bobbing above the infinite, distancing sea
and praying to God for a reason to be.

sea and be is a judgment call. It doesn't ruin the poem but it's a bit predictable. I love line three here though I think you could cut "I am".

The seasons are shifting and the tide is coming in.
I could not sleep in the forgotten realm,
this place I swam so you can't infiltrate
this love for you, this internal rape.

Maybe shift to present tense in line one: the seasons shift and the tide comes in. Lines three and four seem to be the main point of the poem the crux. I love "this love for you, this internal rape

When the beach meets my skin,
soft pebbles graze my cheek.
I'm a ticking bomb that cannot be timed
and will not seek closure it cannot to find.

I'll have to appeal to those who rhyme more in their poetry but timed and find seem to be slant rhymes to me. I think you have a typo in line four you need to cut the "to". This is all good.

Still lost to the infinite, distancing sea
inching further, further from the beach.
I am speechless in silence of white and grey
bobbing, with bottled love letters, in the evening spray.

The repetition works for me.

So, I thought this was a very well put together poem. Thanks for posting it. I hope the comments were helpful to you.

Best,

Todd