Lillith Incarnate (content warning)

[billy]

thanks for the first post.

lots to like about it. i have to go out now but will leave some feedback in the morning.
i do like the recurring theme that runs the length of the poem but more about that in the morning .

i'm back

if i remember correctly, lillith was the first wife of adam? it was just a thought that passed me. that was reinforced by the snake;

the 1st stanza looks good. the recurring stanza that follow work well in that they don't halt the flow, the italicised chorus;

These hallways cannot own me
The cages cannot keep me
My lust cannot be sated
I’ll drain you dry tonight.
feels like an incantation, of sorts or a semi-demented mantra.

the 4th stanza transforms from outright predator to something more cunning. it's beginning to feel like a female jack the ripper.

the 7th feels the weakest stanza. for me i think it should be one of the strongest considering it's placement in the poem.

in the tenth we have another cat reference, (suck your breath away,) also a good inuendo for oral (if that was intended )
the reiteration of down (also used in the 7th) feels a little weak, maybe another word would be stronger.

and we end on the semi-chorus and chorus.

i have to say that i think it a good piece of writing, it flows well has good enjambment. theres a certain murkiness to the poem juxtaposed with a tantalising lighter game player (4th stanza)

for me, if it needs an edit it's only minor nits. thanks for the read mrs sin.
(jmo)