Flavored Kiss

[Todd]

Hi Tidalnymph,

This is a fun poem with a surprising payoff at the end. I enjoyed this. Here are suggestions to consider which mostly are to intensify the surprise.

I let my fingers
chase you down
as you slither
effortlessly
from the tip
of my tongue
down to my throat
all the way
to my belly--all the way to my belly may be giving away to much. It's a judgment call and while there's nothing inherently wrong with the lines you may want to consider cutting them so as not to give away too much too early.

I try not to--normally I don't like breaks on prepositions but this works well because it's a complete thought that gets enhanced when you get to scream. It isn't choppy.
scream
as you wander
inside of me,
teasing my senses
making me
burn
at the same time
chill

Strong
and dark
bitter-sweet
flavored kiss--I wonder if you need flavored here since it's in your title
you got my
lipstick smeared
but my heart
is wildly tangled
to this hazy bliss--I like these last few lines here

So I let you--great line break
linger further--do you need further? Linger might give you the same thing on it's own.
my hands
are shaking
my heart
is beating fast
but i know
this love affair
couldn't last--can't may fit your rhythm better

So I just inhale--Do you need just?
where you lay--you might cut this line and not loose anything
one last time
and lick what's
left of you
and smile...

" I cant believe,
I got lost again
to a cup of coffee!"--you may want to lose the quotes and just go with italics.

Okay so this was a fun good poem. I hope the suggestions will give you options to think about whether you use them or not.

Thanks for the read.

Best,

Todd[/b]