11-21-2010, 03:39 AM
(11-21-2010, 03:14 AM)Heslopian Wrote: A lot of great dark comedy here; the opening couplet made me laugh, and displays a sophisticated wit. The "cars" simile was inventive, though I'm not sure you need the "little" prefix. The rhyme scheme sounds contrived at times, but I don't think that that's a bad thing; this reads like an intelligent, perceptive parody of substance abuse literature, and that give you top marks for sheer uniqueness alone.
Thank you, Heslopian! I was in a rather dark place when I wrote this piece. I'm glad you liked it, I've edited it to white, work cars as the car I am referring to is my ex's work car that he used to pick me up in and I always use to listen to Shania Twain when it got me down. Thanks again.
Literary Failure.