11-13-2010, 12:07 PM
(11-13-2010, 08:55 AM)billy Wrote: besides works for me.The second half of the line needs four syllables, leaving me only one to make the transition into "sit up straight," which isn't enough. How about: "shortens my breath; I clench my fist," or "shortens my breath; I grasp for air"?
i like eye twitch better than soul wince. how about something
along the lines of "sit up straight." a movement as though you were startled.
an eye twitch does it but still lacks something.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe