Villanelle contest

[billy]

Jack, Cool I need to step out in form more. I've only ever written one or two villanelles. I'm going to try something more modern. Here's one I wrote a while ago. You guys are used to my free verse (here's my attempt at form). I'll give you a new one hopefully before the end of the week. Consider this one a place holder.

The Old Revolt from Awe

And he said to them, "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.” Luke 10:18

Red lightning flashed across the Eastern sky.
His voice once raised in praise began to scream.
He fell to Earth forever from on high.

As did the host that thought it would defy,
The Three-in-Ones exalted high regime. One's (i think)
Red lightning flashed across the Eastern sky.

He sought the ones most loved told them his lie—
To be like God—the substance of this scheme.
He fell to Earth forever from on high.

Fruit fallen from their hands raises a cry;
Eyes finally open waking from a dream.
Red lightning flashed across the Eastern sky.

Cut off, now naked, they began to die.
Perhaps in this way he would be supreme.
He fell to Earth forever from on high.

Covering cherub thought to be so sly.
Deceiver always never what you seem.
Red lightning flashed across the Eastern sky.
He fell to Earth forever from on high.



(Title is adapted from Lucifer in Starlight - George Meredith 1883)

apart from the the grammar mentioned already, i think the forever thing could be solved with a : or a ; or a ,

for me the form is there and the content is but it feels a little too flat, i know the form leads to that but i think it could be perked up a little.

good job todd.

i'll get to yours later jack.