11-05-2010, 12:04 PM
after reading that i do hope you decide to stay a while.
what a good write.
for me (everything in my comments are about how it is for me);
the 1st verse is excellent. i'm not able to comment on grammar but the images and content are really good.
and the so is the rest of the piece. it flows so easily into the mind read silently and drips from the mouth like honey when spoken. well worth publishing. if i had a nit it would be that the last three lines feel a little weak for me, the poem ends after harbor.
the second heroine has no e but it still works as heroin though in a different context.
by the way you write i'd say you know you've capped every line (and i know it's allowed) i just find it a little off putting to get a cap after a comma
i love the way you juxtaposed the inhale and exhale of the piece. excellent write.
thanks for the read and welcome to the forum lawrence.
what find invigorating about your poem is that use love without it sounding cheesy.
what a good write.
for me (everything in my comments are about how it is for me);
the 1st verse is excellent. i'm not able to comment on grammar but the images and content are really good.
and the so is the rest of the piece. it flows so easily into the mind read silently and drips from the mouth like honey when spoken. well worth publishing. if i had a nit it would be that the last three lines feel a little weak for me, the poem ends after harbor.
the second heroine has no e but it still works as heroin though in a different context.
by the way you write i'd say you know you've capped every line (and i know it's allowed) i just find it a little off putting to get a cap after a comma
i love the way you juxtaposed the inhale and exhale of the piece. excellent write.
thanks for the read and welcome to the forum lawrence.
what find invigorating about your poem is that use love without it sounding cheesy.