Love Poem

[billy]

Thanks so much for the feedback, Billy This is one of my older poems, written whilst I was watching a Lara Croft movie. It was based on a fantasy I once had, and was composed back when I was writing a lot about sex and masturbation.
I agree that it can be too wordy at times; since then I've tried simplifying my style, which hasn't been an easy task; rambling comes naturally to me, as I'm sure you've guessed by now I'll do an edit in a mo with your revised lines, and give the last stanza a makeover when I have more time.
I don't remember hearing "tweak your nipples" in Bob the Builder, though... Do you mean that the line was cheesy?
Thanks again for the feedback and kind words

i meant it was out of character for the piece. while i found most of it to be mature that part just felt like it should be in another poem of less substance.
of course thats jmo.

the good thing about putting poems into drawers is that when we take them out we can often spot what needs doing fairly easily. it's why i don't think a poem should ever be discarded.