Is It You?

[billy]

i'm glad you posted this and the other poem in the mild critique forum fd (fd is easier than ficsodarkness)
it give us the chance to concentrate on just one or two points instead of deluging you.

1st point:
on a longer poem there's no need to have a space between each line. only use such space for a purpose.
between a verse, a couplet to make a line stand alone between verse. if it doesn't add to the poem don't use it.

2nd point:
For all his sin's I shall atone,
while hell's fire on me rains.
His reflection I no longer see,

the above 3 lines are archaic. (old style of language) back then it worked really well.
now the language has change. we often feel the need to sound poetic. what we need to
feel is to be poetic, but in our own language.

I atone,For all his sin's
while hell's fire rains on me
I no longer see His reflection
i know it shoots the end rhyme to buggery but it's our job as the poet to make it feel as though the
end rhyme is natural. at present it feels a little forced or contrived.

the poem itself is an introspection on self. something
most of us go through one time or another. a small edit could make it shine.

thanks for the read fd