Dirge

[billy]

Forgetting for a moment that this is supposed to be a dirge, what do you think of it?

She drank a glass of heady wine,
then left behind the red brick shrine
to her failed motherhood
(or so she probably believed),
walked down the beach, and there she stood,
until such time as she was ready
to take the plunge, stop going steady.
what does believed rhyme with?

The wine and wait are my fancy,
though we know she strode into the sea
after an eve of drink and drugs.
Perhaps she did a "one two three!"
before she took the final walk,
like a soldier vaulting his mud trench
on the officer's count down.
Nobody saw the woman drown.
what does the drugs, walk, trench rhyme with?

I remember one time, long ago,
she thought that I might want to know
her love for me was very strong,
and if this seemed just slightly wrong,
as false as my aunt's "Tudor" house,
neither one of us did grouse.
the 3rd verse is the only verse with a proper rhyme scheme

Always the frightened little girl,
fearing her father's quick fingers,
and her grandad's sly camera,
we never saw below her frown,
and not one person saw her drown.
what does, girl, fingers and camera rhyme with?

you changed it didn't you?
all in all as a general poem i like it. some good lines. like these;

Perhaps she did a "one two three!"
before she took the final walk,
like a soldier vaulting his mud trench
on the officer's count down.

and these which i'm sure were at the top;
Always the frightened little girl,
fearing her father's quick fingers,
and her grandad's sly camera,
we never saw below her frown,
and not one person saw her drown.

neither one of us did grouse

feels archaic

for me, if it's an end rhyem poem then is should be almost spot on.