Fragments (content warning)

[heslopian]

What a powerful write! Any suggestions I give you won't amount to much more than refining sort of nits so weigh them that way. Here goes:

1.
I suppose I despise all fathers.--fantastic opening line.
No, that isn't fair. Just because
your face looms forth from the
darkness behind my eyelid, like
a terrible light expelling comfort,--love darkness...comfort. Great lines.
doesn't mean I should judge
all men thusly.

2.
sprawling with a teenage boy
across the fields of pink ether,
inhaling the bilious gas
bof sombre deities, heaven-bound Nazis,--love the fields to dieties...such original effective phrasing
as I mount his adolescent frame,
his sixteen-year old buttocks,
and expel the sickness handed down
since the moment I escaped--these two lines "and expel...escaped" are to me the absolute strongest in the poem. They seem to be the emotional core to me. It's a very painful emotional mix going on for the speaker
from the church of the blood,
my mother's love blessed, sacred cunt.

3.
Is it your masculinity
which terrifies me?
I'm tied like a pork rind--excellent
to the collar of the boy,
my rosy-cheeked old self,
who hides beneath the bed
as the bovine of his past
prowls the corridors.--prowls seems an odd word choice to pair vith bovine.

Stellar work! It had some painful overtones to it but I very much enjoyed the work.

Best,

Todd

Thanks for the kind words and feedback, Todd I agree that "bovine" are unlikely to "prowl," hence the oddness of that line!