Alice in the Asylum: Psychiatric Transcript (Revision 5)

[billy]

It is this dyslexic language I hate
words that scurry and slink
rearrange themselves before
I can speak.

But somebody killed something,
or something-or-other!
I stand by my story.
No lucid dream
to wake from, I tire
of these suggestions.

So childish to fear the dark
night’s plunge into anonymity.
It is the eyes that draw
the Bandersnatch--
claws that scrape,
claws that catch.

You have removed my vanity—
the need to mince gingerly.
I no longer sit to brush my hair,
nor eat without the ache
within my bones.

This glass isn’t cold as you suspect,
the fire leaks like a warm breath.
I feel the grin float
over my shoulder, the last beacon
to fade away.

i get the feel of wonderland,
the dyslexia, the dream, the bandersnatch from the jabberwok, and the cheshire cat. but for me it isn't as concrete as it could be. mainly it feels tell and not show. it feels like alice is renouncing the dream and accepting it as fact. i think it would help if she had solid images to work with. jmo

that said the last verse is perfect.

thanks for the read todd.