You Call Them Fairy Tales

[Todd]

Again, your last lines are haunting and fierce, almost cold and cynical, but in a good way. Excellent flow, some awesome metaphors (the voices as rats one was incredible; really evoked that childhood fear, at least for me), and a grim narrative which never lets up on atmosphere. Would the line "never, never the teeth" have worked better if you'd put it at the end of the first stanza? As it is it is powerful, disrupts the rhythm somewhat (IMHO).
Otherwise though great poem.

Thank you so much for your comments. I'm so glad this one seems to be working. I think both of you and Billy are correct on something needing to be done about the never, never line. I'm considering pulling it up to S1 as you suggest and also removing one of the nevers.

I can see the bump in the read that both of you are talking about. I'll make the change and put the poem down for a bit and see if I like the change after a bit of distance.

I appreciate your thoughts.

Thank you for sharing them,

Todd