Reflections

[Todd]

Hi,

I'm going to put some comments in the lines for your consideration. I like the conversational tone you've set it feels natuaral (the asides, the pauses). Okay to the lines:

Speeding towards my own special death,
will I drown, will I float, will I drink a vial--I wonder about "a vial" here. I don't mind it in general but I wonder if a line break after drink would suit your purpose better (parallel structure, also it fits better with the idea of drowning or floating--sort of like you may drink the water that tries to drown you)
of posion, be smothered by a lover--(love the line break here. It moves from a callous act to a somewhat merciful act once we hit the next strophe).

in a hospital bed, like that man on the news
who killed his young "friend," as HIV[b]--I like "friend" here
ravaged his waning system, leaving him--again great break

a skeleton, or will such thoughts abandon
me, until I'm old and they seem affable?
"To die would be a great adventure"

wrote J. M. Barrie, and though you may
think that quote melancholy, I see it
as a kiss, a true confirmation--strong lines: "I see it..."

of death's tenderness. Samantha,
when you drowned yourself,
left behind on the shore

not only your ex (were you
and my father divorced by that point?)
but two children by him and a third

previous, were you scared,
were you sad, like a woman
who must shoot herself --love this part

before her torturer returns?
Or was it bliss, a strange heaven,
as the waves took your waist--these last two lines are excellent. My favorite in the poem.

and performed the slow dance?--great
You weren't afforded a column,
just (eight?) lines of type

in a left hand corner. But that
doesn't matter, of course.
You didn't do it for fame.--also a great sequence in the last two strophes.

If I wasn't a pathetic coward,
I'd accuse you of stealing my thunder--a tad cliche here. Though you may get away with it because it's conversational. I like the poem enough to want to excuse it for that purpose but probably should just leave it as a call out
that night. But I am. So I shan't.

"There's no such word as can't"
my teacher once said, and I felt like
replying: "okay, I cannot."--solid

I cannot kill myself, not anytime soon,
so I sit here composing these simple poems,
until life or my courage improves.--a bit of a drop off at the end. Maybe consider moving "If I wasn't a pathetic coward" under the "okay I cannot" line. Just a thought. I feel like stepping back into composing these simple poems drains some of the tension you've built.

It is a solid, solid poem though and well worth the read. I think the greatest strength of it again is the tone of the speaker.

I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd