10-17-2010, 01:34 PM
Your re-structuring of my original verse does hold water, and the flow is very good, but I think I prefer my original form (don't you lynch me now
) It just seems cleaner to me. Though, like I said, your version is very good, and the line breaks are strong (except, if I were to do it your way, I'd make one after "mantelpiece," and "beyond").
) It just seems cleaner to me. Though, like I said, your version is very good, and the line breaks are strong (except, if I were to do it your way, I'd make one after "mantelpiece," and "beyond").