You Call Them Fairy Tales

[Todd]

Billy and Jack: I altered the one problem line and I had another friend make a pretty strong suggestion on where to end the poem. What do you think? Better? Worse?

Revision

Don’t tell me of glass slippers,
or pumpkin coaches.
I am no soot-haired commoner
fresh from the hearth—
Who sees the smile,
but not the teeth.

For the first five years
of my slumber
your voices were like
the gnawing
of rats around my bed,
the hunger of darkness
that every child knows
to fear
so like death:
so cold, so iron-kissed.

I have seen the oven inside
your candy house,
felt my womb swell
with the results of this beauty.
You waste your glamour on dreams,
these visions on my wall.
There are no happy endings.

Your gifts are
the spindle,
the prick
of my finger,
the stain
upon my dress.

_______________________________

Original

Don’t tell me of glass slippers,
or pumpkin coaches.
I am no soot-haired commoner
fresh from the hearth—
Who sees the smile,
but not the teeth,

never, never, the teeth.

For the first five years
of my slumber
your voices were like
the gnawing
of rats around my bed,
the hunger of darkness
that every child knows
to fear.

I have seen the oven inside
your candy house,
felt my womb swell
with the results of this Beauty.
You waste your glamour on dreams,
these visions on my wall.
There are no happy endings
Your gifts are
the spindle,
the prick
of my finger,
the stain
upon my dress

so like death:
so cold, so iron-kissed.