10-16-2010, 03:15 PM
Sounds beautiful beyond what this verse can express,
needs two more syls for me, makes the piece jump to much.
content wise, this was my fave line;
Don't leave me on a mantelpiece between two plastic trees
other than that i found it a little forced. i think it needs a strong edit to make it feel modern and less cheesy (jmho)
needs two more syls for me, makes the piece jump to much.
content wise, this was my fave line;
Don't leave me on a mantelpiece between two plastic trees
other than that i found it a little forced. i think it needs a strong edit to make it feel modern and less cheesy (jmho)