Reflections

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback, Billy Yeah I struggled with that first line so much, but in the end I couldn't find a better replacement.

The question you picked out is directed at myself, I think. I switched from internal monologue to addressing my stepmum halfway through. Shoddy, I know, but I was going with the flow, and then didn't want to edit, lest the poem fall apart.

Thanks for complimenting that waves image I worried that it might be cliche.

Some users on DU really liked the last line, and said it was the best of the best, so now I'm quite confused I myself thought it cliche at first, which further complicates matters...

not sure if it's cliche (the end verse) but it does suck hairy ones at least for me it does. copy and paste the last verse onto a blank page. does it move you or move your bowels? it's often a good test lol

have the ones who said it written a sexton poem like yours? you're capable or better.

The ones who said it were depressives, I think. I reckon they liked it because they could see themselves in it, as opposed to any objective reason.

I looked at the verse out of context from the piece, and yeah, it does look pretty forced, like something an "emo" would write before cutting themselves with nail scissors. I'll think about removing it. Thanks for the advice