Reflections

[billy]

Speeding towards my own special death, [a little cliche]
will I drown, will I float, will I drink a vial
of posion, be smothered by a lover

in a hospital bed, like that man on the news
who killed his young "friend," as HIV
ravaged his waning system, leaving him

a skeleton, or will such thoughts abandon
me, until I'm old and they seem affable? [is this a question or rhetorical?]
"To die would be a great adventure"

wrote J. M. Barrie, and though you may
think that quote melancholy, I see it
as a kiss, a true confirmation

of death's tenderness. Samantha,
when you drowned yourself,
left behind on the shore

not only your ex (were you
and my father divorced by that point?)
but two children by him and a third

previous, were you scared,
were you sad, like a woman
who must shoot herself

before her torturer returns?
Or was it bliss, a strange heaven,
as the waves took your waist [great image]

and performed the slow dance?
You weren't afforded a column,
just (eight?) lines of type

in a left hand corner. But that
doesn't matter, of course.
You didn't do it for fame. [great two verse]

If I wasn't a pathetic coward,
I'd accuse you of stealing my thunder
that night. But I am. So I shan't.

"There's no such word as can't"
my teacher once said, and I felt like
replying: "okay, I cannot." [for me the poem ends here]

I cannot kill myself, not anytime soon,
so I sit here composing these simple poems,
until life or my courage improves. [this verse feels forced]

everything in quotes is just my opinion.
i struggled a little with the line breaks and the continuation into the next verse for a bit but after a few reads got the hang of it. (good poems need a few reads at least)

the last verse as i said feels awkward and unnecessary.
some great images the flow takes some getting use to but it works. (some will still struggle with it though)

all in all a really good read. the content is obvious, the train of thought works well and apart from the last verse i think you win the coconut

nice write, thanks for the read as always.