10-11-2010, 08:43 AM
excellent one nit would be where fender is.
the cut doesn't matter with senryu. if cohen played a fender then the s on cars feels too much if he didnt the fender for me read better on the top line.
what is extremely good about this is the juxtaposition between cohens redemption and my pain.
there a type of depression that comes from not getting enough sunlight. which it seems was cohens problem. (or one of them) the my in the senryu is obviously the opposite. nice one jack.
the cut doesn't matter with senryu. if cohen played a fender then the s on cars feels too much if he didnt the fender for me read better on the top line.
what is extremely good about this is the juxtaposition between cohens redemption and my pain.
there a type of depression that comes from not getting enough sunlight. which it seems was cohens problem. (or one of them) the my in the senryu is obviously the opposite. nice one jack.