10-09-2010, 06:03 PM
not really or yes. in the one posted here the cut is obvious.
the one below is the one i'm saying has two cuts;
Thumbnail tombstone,
browning grass -
Nan leaves her flowers. We go. <-----an internal cut with the period (no grammar, that way the cut has to be obvious) a dash works but if the cut is obvious why use the dash. i think when they first wrote haiku in the west they pit the dash in just to show the cut and how they'd got it.
i don't think "we go" works in the original either.
the one posted in the opening post is the better for me.
the one below is the one i'm saying has two cuts;
Thumbnail tombstone,
browning grass -
Nan leaves her flowers. We go. <-----an internal cut with the period (no grammar, that way the cut has to be obvious) a dash works but if the cut is obvious why use the dash. i think when they first wrote haiku in the west they pit the dash in just to show the cut and how they'd got it.
i don't think "we go" works in the original either.
the one posted in the opening post is the better for me.