10-09-2010, 12:21 AM
Not stunningly original, and reads like the synopsis for an R&B video at times, but there are some nice moments, and you clearly have talent. The first verse was the best; simple and imagistic, really evocative. I think you should have expanded on that.
The candles, chocolate strawberries and breat caressing were really cliche, and I don't know what you mean by that final phrase "♥" is that a typo?
Reads more like private fantasy than poetry, but as I said that first verse was good, you've clearly got talent, and I look forward to seeing more of your work
The candles, chocolate strawberries and breat caressing were really cliche, and I don't know what you mean by that final phrase "♥" is that a typo?
Reads more like private fantasy than poetry, but as I said that first verse was good, you've clearly got talent, and I look forward to seeing more of your work