01-26-2010, 07:49 AM
Thanks for the poem Sadie.
The cadence of your words is good, and I do think there's a lot of imagery here, since the entire scenario is a metaphor and not literal.
You probably don't need the comma at the end of the fifth stanza, after "recognizable". Also, in the first stanza, maybe you can rephrase the line "I think he meant" with something that sounds more concrete... that way you can maintain the momentum of the poem. Just suggestions.
A nice read.
The cadence of your words is good, and I do think there's a lot of imagery here, since the entire scenario is a metaphor and not literal.
You probably don't need the comma at the end of the fifth stanza, after "recognizable". Also, in the first stanza, maybe you can rephrase the line "I think he meant" with something that sounds more concrete... that way you can maintain the momentum of the poem. Just suggestions.
A nice read.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?