10-08-2010, 10:24 AM
Really liked this. The simplicity of it... the images weren't vivid, so much as they were indelible. My only very very minor nitpick is the ending "each buys his food and then leaves"; I don't mind that it's anticlimactic or mundane, but it felt a little dropped (curt, maybe?). But don't get me wrong, it still works.
This proves you can write poetry even about the simplest things, if you're a good writer. (ps you're a good writer
)
This proves you can write poetry even about the simplest things, if you're a good writer. (ps you're a good writer
)
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?