10-06-2010, 11:35 AM
As Billy said, a neat and clean poem, rather like a short story, though not too much. Everything was pretty much just so. One quibble I do have, however, is with the simile: "like the delusions of constellations." How are constellations deluded? (Like many other subjects, astronomy is beyond my field of knowledge, so forgive me if the problem is my own ignorance).
I loved the way you juxtaposed "cool and oppressive" with "scalding chest." Gently erotic and sweet.
I loved the way you juxtaposed "cool and oppressive" with "scalding chest." Gently erotic and sweet.