Ode to the Silence of the Night

[billy]

first off it's archaic. archaic poems or writing should for me at least be archaic in form
this one is. i have recall a rock or heavy metal song called silence of the night but can't recall the lyrics. ( i'm a soul man )

i like the way the first verse connects with the second, (brass and muffled as in sax or trumpet)
the second verse sets off a feel of jazz in me. (intended or not). ;

your eerie tones of brass and bass
echo and echo in my heart
my loving temptress hide your face
I alone understand your art.

the 4th verse also gives me a feel of jazz or swing. (i feel i'm really losing it now lol)


all that said. verse 4, 5, and 6 moved me. i felt a few of the lines
were weak;

The bewildered thing gave a scream
In blood soaked sheets it promptly died
And I walked out as in a dream

feel out of place or off kilter with the rest of the poem.
that said it flows well nails the rhyme and has some good imagery
i can't say that i understand it it but i think it's because it needs more than a single read.

thanks for the read markus.