No More Tears

[Bianca Alabaster]

Sitting in a cabin
the downpour makes
heavy pattering on the roof

It takes me to a day
long ago when I
was much younger

Tender heart
broken, pleading
watching the
pouring rain
from the back seat

Many streaming
rivers tumult down
the window.
I think it is not enough
rain to equal my pain and
grief of heart.

Not all the rain drops
pouring over the car
not all the rain
running down the street
not all the rain
gathered in the puddles!
compares to my sorrow.

I heave silent, dry,
wrenching tears
out into the rain
up into the angry sky.

Heart pleadings for my
brother, who is dying.
I love him so,
that I begged God
to let me take his
place somehow

But, He must have
said no, for he dies
still. We drive on
to visit him at
the cancer hospital.

I scream the silent
words to the unseen One;
“You don’t understand
God, it’s killing my mom
and dad to watch.
Why am I not good
enough for you
to take, instead?”

The river of rain
pours harder,
- frozen
my lungs do not breathe
my face is not wet
my tears are on the glass
forever outside.

©2/14/2010

[I miss my brother, so I read this poem today.]