08-02-2010, 06:59 PM
I like that you're getting bolder with your themes and ideas LB, and playing around with it more 
The structural issues have pretty much been covered by the earlier critiques. What I would suggest is that since you are repeating the word "fighting" in the poem, maybe you can plstructure the poem in a way that highlights them more and thus makes the repetition look more forcefully deliberate.
Really think you have something here. Thanks for the read LB
The structural issues have pretty much been covered by the earlier critiques. What I would suggest is that since you are repeating the word "fighting" in the poem, maybe you can plstructure the poem in a way that highlights them more and thus makes the repetition look more forcefully deliberate.
Really think you have something here. Thanks for the read LB
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?