01-21-2010, 09:49 AM
Great poem Nad. Loved the last lines of it ("as you are... as I feel...", just love the cadence) 
Billy already gave a pretty solid critique; I agree that its better if you don't personify the parking lot. Another thing i would suggest is an alteration to one of these two lines in the first stanza:
how it keeps the hours
worn so thin
wearing down
the excess ghosts
Putting "worn" and "wearing down" so close together seems repetitive, so you could try changing it up.
Billy already gave a pretty solid critique; I agree that its better if you don't personify the parking lot. Another thing i would suggest is an alteration to one of these two lines in the first stanza:
how it keeps the hours
worn so thin
wearing down
the excess ghosts
Putting "worn" and "wearing down" so close together seems repetitive, so you could try changing it up.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?