Between Shifts; Coffee, Cigarettes, and Parking Lots

[billy]

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and your honest feedback. I feel that your concerns, and suggestions will most definitely help me shape this draft into a gem. I work in the restaurant business, and sometimes take 2 - hour breaks. So I buy some coffee, and sit in my car. Oddly enough, that's where I get most of my writing done. Was the coffee concept too vague? "Bitter lips sucked down to its hips" I almost feel that the title lends itself more like a map to the concept. Without it I do believe the reader will feel somewhat lost.

for me bitter lips sucked down to it's hips has more of a sexual feeling, as though the night is fucking everything.

that said i take coffee with lots of sugar so i don't equate it with being bitter which i know it is. so it could just be a me thing.

this is why the writer should always have the last say. as a reader we'll all see different things. when or f we're lucky enough to have the readers all see the same thing then we succeed. when all the readers see something different we still succeed. only when too many readers feel something is off do we need to think if we've conveyed what we think in a way that needs changing. personally i'd leave that part in. use you're own judgment about it.