All About you

[addy]

It's good to see that you're so dedicated to editing your work

Here are a few more suggestions that might help

You swept on like the wind
and left me in it's wake.
With our scrapbook on my lap
you left me in blank. this line's a bit vague... how about "my pages left blank" or "tomorrow's pages left blank"?
I was a book
whose story became cliché,
a song without a chorus
played on replay

I once played a melody
now I just strum, melancholy.
I would've said sorry but blue can't turn green break this up into two lines
I danced, tried to catch you butterfly
So sophisticated
you knew my next move.
"I danced, tried to catch you
clever butterfly,
but you knew my next move" or something along those lines


I ate your words every day to survive. I find this image interesting, maybe if you develop the metaphor more, or extend it to two lines, it'll work better
Believed you,
then you stabbed me like a knife.
You swept on like the wind
and left me in it's wake
With our scrap book on my lap,
you left me in blank. I see you repeated these lines. Was it intentional? (Was it, for example, meant to allude to your earlier image about the song on replay?)

Summer fades
Clouds darken the sky.
It rains outside
When will the sun shine?
Oh misery, she sent you!

Flowers will bloom Since you're now describing things you anticipate in the future (the earlier stanza was the present) then indicate it with something like "Tomorrow, flowers will bloom..."
kids will play by the pool.
Birds will flock North
I'll still be cool

You are a lost artifact
I am ill... Hmm, not sure about this last line. Usually when you say "ill" you mean physically sick, and maybe you really mean in a more metaphorical sense. Think up an image for this, one that will complement your line "You are a lost artifact.."

As for the enjambment, that's not really my forte but I can give a few more suggestions. First, since this obviously isn't going to be a traditional rhyming poem (you don't use a consistent pattern of syllabication: for instance, in a traditional rhyming poem like Mary had a little lamb, you see a consistent 7 or 8 syllables in one line followed by 6 in the next. you follow no such pattern) then you don't have to focus so much in just trying to make the end bits of some lines rhyme.

There are many techniques you can use to suggest rhyme internally. For instance, you can make words that have rhyming syllable parts (you did it in one line: "scrapbook" and "lap" have similar sounds in them) and spread those words through consecutive lines. You can also use alliteration, or words beginning with the same letter/sound. ( example: "The cat sat crossly... Across his cot")

Another suggestion about the imagery: You don't have to wrack your brain trying to come up with a completely independent one for each line! What I mean is, think of the poem as telling a story, with a theme. You can use imagery and metaphors that can string together nicely under that theme, therefore using some of your images to inspire other images.

Hope to see more of your writing!