01-18-2010, 12:03 PM
Your imagery is very rich and beautiful. I was really swept away.
I'm on the fence about the title though, and wonder if you'd consider changing it. I understand that in the poem you're making some kind of pun about the fictional Atlantis and the modern one, but reading the poem there isn't really any more reference to the "real" Atlantis in it. I guess to me, there's a big difference between what being a tourist means and what being an explorer means, and none of your imagery suggests "tourist"; no suggestion or implication of , say, how fleeting the encouner was, etc. It doesn't sound like a man just having a fuck, to be a bit crass about it. By referencing such mythic events of exploration, you imbued the act with more heartfelt meaning than what you probably intended, if I would judge it by the title you gave. So in that sense the glibness of the title doesn't work for me. It's just what I thought of it.
I'm on the fence about the title though, and wonder if you'd consider changing it. I understand that in the poem you're making some kind of pun about the fictional Atlantis and the modern one, but reading the poem there isn't really any more reference to the "real" Atlantis in it. I guess to me, there's a big difference between what being a tourist means and what being an explorer means, and none of your imagery suggests "tourist"; no suggestion or implication of , say, how fleeting the encouner was, etc. It doesn't sound like a man just having a fuck, to be a bit crass about it. By referencing such mythic events of exploration, you imbued the act with more heartfelt meaning than what you probably intended, if I would judge it by the title you gave. So in that sense the glibness of the title doesn't work for me. It's just what I thought of it.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?